It's that time again. The old year is coming to a close while the new year hasn't fully arrived yet. 2025 is lingering, but it's not there yet. Here in the center of Europe it's also winter time. The days get shorter and the nights are long and dark. Actually things are meant to slow down, at least for a couple of weeks before Christmas time, but usually that's not the case. Halloween, Black Friday, Cyber Monday, Santa Claus and all the other events in addition to a lot of administrative tasks make this time of the year more hectic and just more full than ever.

For me the closing of the old year also means a lot work with the photos I have taken throughout the year, both for my professional projects but also for my more personal endeavers and family related images. Usually I select and combine the best shots in addition to several documentations of the trips I have done throughout the year in one or several slideshows that I'm going to prepare for New Year's Eve. The greater family and some friends often come together that night to watch these memories, enjoy some food and celebrate the beginning of the new year. I enjoy working on all these photos very much but it's also a lot of additional effort.

1/6494 s, f/2.2, ISO 20, 64 mm, iPhone 12 Pro Max

The funny thing is that these slideshows started to become better and better from year to year. It all started simple, simplistic even, as a simple Keynote presentation, now it's become a full fledged movie with all the bells and whistles. But to keep up that pacing this also means even more effort from year to year. It's a spiral that's hard to break out of. At the moment I'm doing ok with these tasks, but I also feel that silent anxiety coming up when thinking of the next year, and the year after that. It's purely a homemade portion of stress, but nonetheless, it's stress. In addition to all the other things that are going on constantly.

1/23810 s, f/2.2, ISO 32, 64 mm, iPhone 12 Pro Max

Especially during these last weeks of the year I try to maintain a certain rhythm to structure my days, create anchors and try to plan for things that are hard to plan. I always try to make room for some extra time, because all these tasks I have in mind for sure need more time than anticipated. It's a practice I have developed during my phases of struggling with anxiety and it quite helps me now during phases of such a compressed life as well.

1/32258 s, f/1.6, ISO 32, 62 mm, iPhone 12 Pro Max

One of the things I try to incorporate in my daily or at least weekly rhythms is some time for a walk. Being outside, feeling the weather, the temperature, the sun or the rain, the snow, helps me to stay grounded and activates my senses. I very much feel more like a human being after these strolls. It's good to feel my body and actually use it for what it's meant to be used.

1/1647 s, f/2.2, ISO 20, 64 mm, iPhone 12 Pro Max

This series of images happened during one of these walks. It was a regular day, so normal that I can't even remember what happend before or after the walk. But I vividly remember this hour outside just setting one foot in front of the other. That day was one of the first days of this winter season with temperatures below zero degree. It was very humid as well, hazy even. But despite all the mist the sun was able to show up as well. Not everywhere, but gently in some areas, behind some clouds, behind a translucent curtain of mist. The mist often worked like a separator, dividing the world around into smaller chunks, making everything smaller than it really is. It was in this case even a soothing feeling to be alone for a while, alone in my private portion of mist.

I haven't planned to take photos, I didn't anticipate the beauty of those moments, the richness, the fullness, the ephemeral perfection of these visual and sensual impressions. I didn't even bring my real camera, I just used the aging camera of my phone to helplessly capture the beauty in front of my eyes.

1/3922 s, f/2.2, ISO 20, 64 mm, iPhone 12 Pro Max

Back at home I looked at the photos I had taken and as it is in most cases the beauty that had unfolded in front of my eyes didn't make it on the image. The light felt different, the range from very bright to very dark tones felt hampered and limited. The photos I got felt darker and more obscure, more like a dull autum day, not so much like a frosty winter landscape. But I decided to use these images anyway, maybe just as a reminder to myself. To remind me of the difference between experience and image. Between real and digital, between light and screen.

1/5525 s, f/2.2, ISO 20, 64 mm, iPhone 12 Pro Max

There's still beauty and abstraction in these photographs. I like their calmness, their subtle hints towards reality. They are at least in parts unexpected, and maybe that type of surprise and even excitement makes them even better. Some black and white editing at the end pushed them even further in an unexpected direction. That exile feeling of that moment was in the end exactly what I needed and what I was looking for during these escapist moments during the most hectic weeks of the year.

I wish you all your own private, temporary exiles that are able to calm you down and point you back to what's really important. I wish you all a Merry Christmas.